Okay Okay, this is my first story blog so please, don't judge me to harshly. :)
Origianly this story begun for a peice of English Language coursework with the title 'The Test'. I am going to carry it on but this is just the beginning, Trust me there are a lots more to come, so stay tuned!
(I greatly appreciated constructive critism! So feel free!)
Origianly this story begun for a peice of English Language coursework with the title 'The Test'. I am going to carry it on but this is just the beginning, Trust me there are a lots more to come, so stay tuned!
(I greatly appreciated constructive critism! So feel free!)
Adrenaline pumping. Sending tremors through my entire body. How
did I get here? In this dark enclosed space. I am not alone though, I can hear
someone whimpering to my left; I just wish I could see them. I’d already been
in this room four times-each time replicating my worst nightmare. What was in
store for me today?
Less than a month ago
I was asleep in my brand new bed, snuggled up in my duck feather quilt. I had
just settle in for the night when my window imploded-glass shattering inward,
right onto me. I didn’t even have time to scream before there was a burly,
black clad figure pinning my slight body, a hand clamped over my mouth. Using
all my energy to shift the weight, I didn’t realise that a dainty figure had
climbed through my window frame and plunged a hypodermic needle into my arm.
Within seconds the pressure was lifted; I attempted to get up but realised my
limbs felt as heavy as the man who was now hovering in front of my face.
Studying my every feature intensely.
“Finally. After years of searching, we’ve finally found
specimen 6! I cannot wait to see Gabe’s Face!”
“I am so there when you tell him; with my camera!” The woman
sniggered, glaring at me with the same intensity.
“Dad…” Talking took too much effort, my tongue felt like a
strip of carpet in my mouth.
“Shush darling. It will be clearer soon. We are doing this
for your own good. Trust us.” At the
time, I didn’t feel like trusting them. But at that time I didn’t feel like
anything because the sweet darkness that had been hanging at the edge of my
mind finally swelled and crashed over me.
For as long as I can remember me and dad had been running,
only staying in one place for 3 months- at the most. And now I understood why.
This is exactly what he was trying to prevent. I don’t know why but since my
mother disappeared (when I was only a year old) people have been hunting me-all
over the world. I couldn’t escape-and they finally found me. No matter how hard
I tried to stay off the radar they always seem to pop up. The first time I went
school, they disguised themselves as my teachers. I was completely oblivious
until dad came to my parents evening and all hell broke loose. Once dad stepped
into my maths classroom, he recognized Miss Honey as an imposter. Her name
fitted her well; hair the colour of honey, always hanging straight down her
back and stopping just above her hips. Her eyes where what caught my dad’s attention
I had never really noticed out of politeness but her left eye was a rich
chocolate brown and her right was a stormy grey. Her voice was mesmerising! She
always held the attention of the class and never had an trouble in controlling the
pupils. At the sight of my father she looked me right in the eye and began cackling.
That laugh will forever be etched into my brain- It was complete and utter
hatred. Aimed towards me. That was the last time I asked to go to school.
* * * *
Spotlights rose; waking me from my reminiscence and momentarily
blinding me in their glare. I was in a glass box but I could only see darkness
and the glass box to my left that contained a whimpering child. Anorexic-that
was the only way to explain this child. Even her hair seemed to be thin, limp
and lifeless. Standing at no taller than me, and I’m short for my age, you
could see the anxiety painted on her face.
Breathing incredibly fast she pulled at the skin on her lips, muttering
incoherent words to herself. Dad always told me I had an incredible poker face;
good thing too because the moment I layed eyes on this girl I began to feel her
fear but I would not, under any circumstance, let it show. I could feel people
watching me intently; this feeling intensifying every time I was thrown into
this room. There always seemed to be an audience. I couldn’t think about that
now. Why was this little girl so scared? Did she know what was about to happen?
“Good morning and welcome ladies and gentlemen! Today we are
going to test the physical ability of the coveted specimen 6 against a normal
child her own age.” The roar of applause answered my fears. We had a massive
audience. “Throughout the day specimen 6 will be put through tests made
specifically to master her abilities and see how she compares to the average
child. So let’s begin! First, a simple race.” That voice invoked fear from my
very core every time it boomed through this arena. What did he mean abilities?
How could that child next to me be the same age? She looked about 5! Anyone
would be better than her, with her being in that state! I didn’t have enough
time to dwell on this because the klaxon was sounded. A searing pain ran
through my bare feet, making me jump around, yelping. Hot wires! They were
using hot wires to make us run faster! This was going to be a long day.
I am reading your story, it's pretty good, y'know? A few errors here and there, but they're to be expected. The plotline..It's ever so slightly confusing, at least it would be for some people. I had to read parts of it multiple times to completely understand what was going on, but it's really good, you should keep at it!
ReplyDeleteAnd my writing started because of my GCSE's too! I wrote a story beginning with 'As soon as she turned the corner, she realised it was a mistake' or something along those lines. :') But I am sure you will get better with time, most people do! As I said, just a few small errors, Em! ^_^
Examples of these small errors:
Her eyes where what caught my dad’s attention
It should be 'were', here. :)
never had an trouble in controlling the pupils
Any or a, would work well here, not 'an'. :)
That laugh will forever be etched into my brain- It was complete and utter hatred.
'It' doesn't need a capital I, dear.
KEEP AT IT! I thoroughly enjoyed this, piece! :')